Anticipation

It is 2:18 in the AM on Friday morning as I start to type this and I'm finally able to sit down and cool off. I reek of sweat, gasoline, gear oil, and orange hand cleaner. After several short nights of sleep, I should really be in bed getting caught up on some shut-eye but that is next to impossible. Unfortunately, there is a slight state of mind that I am caught in that isn't releasing me into the restful world of REM dreaming.

The state of mind I refer to is one of anticipation.

In a little over 12 hours from now (AUGH!! SO MUCH TO DO!) I will be on the road caravaning with a good friend of mine to meet up with two of our college friends who currently reside in Colorado. This will start our annual Colorado Jeep adventure. After several days of furious wrenchin' sessions, too many $$ on parts, and lack of sleep I feel somewhat confident that my vehicle, my friends, and myself will be able to make it up and back in one piece. But these are small fractions of what I'm anticipating. The largest parts are the fact that we'll be running two very hard trails and likely one trail I shouldn't do but will, just to see what my friends, my Jeep, and I are able to do. It is anticipation of the fear knowing one mistake could result in an expensive repair, bodily injury, and yes...possibly death in a worst-case scenario. Anticipation of the adrenaline rush from being off-camber, feeling like the Jeep is going to roll even though my spotters are telling me everything is O.K. It is the anticipation of smelling pine in the air at 12,222 feet on Blanca Mountain in the blue sky one can only see near or at the top of a mountain and that most people have to hike up the trail but I just DROVE up the mountain. It is the anticipation of spending three quality days with what some would say are two of my best friends (I have too many "best" friends to call any one of them my "best friend") with some sorrow that others will not be able to come along on this adventure.

Perhaps the reason for the insomnia is that I'm having a hard time reconciling how I can get so wound up over something so worldly. Why can't I be sick with anticipation for what God is doing in this world and then turn that anticipation into action? Anticipation builds in my head for a Jeep trip and I go into action preparing for the adventure. This is regarding a machine! Something that will only be good in this life/world. What would happen if I took that same anticipation and transferred it into my relationship with Jesus? Better yet - How did the extraordinary become ordinary in my life, and things Jesus sees as ordinary become extraordinary in my mind?